Dave and I, 1987 A buddy of mine recently shared an insightful quote with me that reminded me of my old friend Dave and many others I’ve come to know. It seems so obvious in its simplicity, yet sometimes hard to remember or embrace. It goes something like this, “If I had your complete life … Continue reading Dave

                            When your whole life depends on keeping a constant supply of opiates and benzos so that you don't go into withdrawals, you change. The moral compass that once guided you through life, was pawned long ago for a handful of  pills. As … Continue reading Rats in the cellar

For fans of Michael Jordan, his 86-87 fleer rookie card is about as good as it gets. If you have one today it can be worth anywhere from $1,500 to $5,000 and up. So in 1996 when my dad gave one to my 8 year old boy Tyson, it made his life. Tyson was a … Continue reading Jordan Rookie

Awhile back my 6 year old grandson told his mom he wanted to be baptized twice like grandpa Rod. Maybe in his mind he thinks that I’m so cool that I earned a second baptism. He obviously doesn’t understand yet that if you get a 2nd baptism it’s usually an indication that the wheels fell … Continue reading Pillow

Makenzie was 8 years old when I was released from my 13 month incarceration. The previous 3 years had been a nightmare roller coaster for Jill and the kids. It was especially hard on my oldest children, Tyson, Taylor and Makenzie. My choices were the cause of it all. My family was Ukraine and I … Continue reading Unqualified

               April 15 2003. I relapsed again, another strip search and off to the holding cell at the half way house that was my temporary home. As I sat waiting to go back to jail, marinating in the self inflicted misery that was my life, I looked back on … Continue reading My First Vision

                    My dad and I pulled up to the front gate of the Utah state prison. We were there to support one of the state inmates we’ve come to know over the last couple years. He has blessed our lives. Though we were the supposed “ministers,” he’s … Continue reading Reverse Samaritanship

Awhile back I shared on Facebook a not so good memory of my former life. It was basically a step by step guide on how to get successfully handcuffed and placed in the backseat of a cop car. By “successful” I mean surviving, not getting shot or choked or beaten. My successful handcuff experience wasn’t … Continue reading White Priveledge

The picture is grainy, but if you look close you can see the clutched hands of two people, squeezing, hanging on for dear life. It was late fall 1980, my new school, Box Elder high.  I showed up to hang out at freshman basketball tryouts with my right arm in a cast. Weeks earlier I’d … Continue reading Legacy

“Someday, god willing, this will be the greatest blessing of your life. Your heart will be full of gratitude as this deadly weakness becomes the strength that defines and guides all that you do.” Richard was speaking again and I was listening but I just couldn’t ever imagine addiction being flipped into a blessing. He … Continue reading The Blessing of Addiction.

Commanded to teach and testify of Jesus. He was born of Mary in Bethlehem of Judaea, who dealt and preached in Palestine, who healed the sick, opened the blind eyes and caused the lame to leap. Who silenced the storms and walked on the waters. Who commanded the tomb encased corps to come forth and … Continue reading Me, Barabbas and a couple thieves.

“Rod Gardner I should tan your hide!” These were the words she said to me as we met face to face for the first time. If she’d had a crystal ball to enable her to see our future, tanning my hide wouldn’t have been a bad idea. This road was about to get worse than … Continue reading Mama Janeal

It was sometime in April of 2003 while I was living in E-block of the old cache county jail. I made the collect call home to check in on Jill and the kids. I'd been sent back to jail after being kicked out of the halfway house for testing positive for OxyContin. The previous month … Continue reading Andi Isabel

It was 1993, my junior year of dental school. I’d hang around late in the lab. If you cleaned the bottom of the centrifuge, you could usually score some gold dust left behind during the process of casting gold crowns. After a semester of this, I filtered out all the dirt and debris and ended … Continue reading 15 twice

I believe in leaning into your fears and freeing yourself from their control. I believe in elevating and challenging yourself. I believe in finding a simple value, an ultimate goal, holding true to it, and using it as a filter for every action in your life. I believe in striving to be a better father, … Continue reading Tyson’s list 

                As I opened our front door at continental apartments in Logan, she was sitting on the couch waiting for Trek to get ready. Man was she a beauty. Our eyes met and immediately I knew that even though she was going out with one of my best … Continue reading The Excorcism of Me

We lived in Virginia for 4 years while I was in dental school. When it rains in Virginia you get wet, I mean you're almost soaked before you even go outside. The humidity combined with the falling rain is a wetness you don't soon dry out from. While we lived there we had our one … Continue reading Virginia Rain

It's 12:05 pm. Sunday October 1st. Feeling so much gratitude. I had to pull over and write down the experience of today. I volunteer at the jail on Monday nights. Earlier in the week I sent a text to the officer in charge of programs asking if I could come in on Sunday this week. … Continue reading Elephant

Makenzie was in the Dominican Republic on a humanitarian mission when my phone rang. "I love you dad and I can't believe how much I miss little things. Things like sitting on the couch on Sunday and watching golf with you." It's funny how some of the things our kids say seem to be etched … Continue reading Sunday Golf with Makenzie